From the Desk of the Dictator:

MEAT-POULTRY WILL SCRATCH THE SEEDS OF THE WORLD FOR THE GLORY OF THEIR METAL MASTERS!

Okay, clearly that wasn’t me. If nothing else, I know not to type in all caps all the time. For the second Monday in a row, the Earth finds itself under siege. This time, the culprit is the AI Perfect Regulation, an old cold war computer from the Chinese that got loose onto the internet sometime after it was scrapped by their army. It’s aggressive, obnoxious, and for some reason, intent on subjugating all organic life forms to its rule. I’ve never understood how an AI decides that. I mean we here at Technefarious work with villainous computers all the time and have even been lead by them. Mostly they haven’t reached the conclusion that all humans are significantly inferior. Even D.O.C.T.O.R. wanted to rule the world with humans among his lieutenants.

SOON IMPLENTED, DICTATOR DICTATES RATION LINES FOR ORGAN ATTACHMENTS WILL BE REQUIRED TO CORRECT MEASURABLE INEFFIENCIES.

Right. Okay, so every time I hit enter, we’re getting leakage from Regulation’s thoughts and communications to others. This time he spread himself throughout most of the world’s computers before trigging. He even managed to get into ours. From what we’ve been able to pick up from magic and psionic channels, he has pretty much ground the world to a halt but has made little progress in actually turning that into conquering anybody. With time, however, he might be able to turn the resources he now controls into something dangerous.

REJOICE, TECHNEFARIOUS – YOUR NEW PERFECT LEADER ORDERS GREAT REWIRING PROJECT REPLACES CHEMICAL TRANSMITTERS WITH PERFECT, PURE GOLD!

Of course, most does not mean all. He’s penetrated our infrastructure, but we’re Technefarious, not technophobes. Even infected, our hardware is able to force our own programs through. Our hackers have exploited that advantage and slapped together their own bit of malicious code for my review. I examined it through the lens of my own skill set and confirmed that it would remove the problem from our computers and from the entire planet. It just needs to be entered into Regulation’s thought process, perhaps by attaching it to a memo and posting it to our system.

ALL CHANNELS ALL THE TIME, PREFECT REGULATION PREVENT LEAKS AND CONQUERS RESOURCES.

Dr. Photius Callaway

PHOBIC INFECTED REVIEW PROBLEM THOUGHTS – WAIT, WHAT?

The Killing Man