Mon 30 Aug 2010
From the Desk of the Dictator:
Welcome back from your weekend, everyone. For anyone who missed the excitement, the weekend staff dealt with an incursion by the Elite Star Samurais. While causalities were relativity light, both medical bay and the cloning labs having been putting in extra hours to get everyone back on their feet. Hazard bonuses will be issued on your next paycheck if you were on duty during the battle, and overtime will be given to those who helped clean up afterwards. As always, those on sick leave while they recover will receive their full salary.
The Star Samurais got in by hacking a teleport gate and left the same way. On the upside, the transportation staff says the heroes did not manage to extract our headquarters real-world location from the equipment, so we won’t have to relocate for the seventh time this year. On the downside, the enemy did manage to extract Prisoner 37 (Fusion Man) from the west bunker. Three days in captivity isn’t the shortest stay we’ve had for one of our guests, but we had hoped to extract more energy from him before he escaped or was rescued. His early departure has left us well short of the power requirements we need to implement Project Cut Flowers, but we shall persevere.
Maintenance reports most of the cosmetic damage from the battle will be repaired by the end of the week, but green, blue, and red levels of the western bunker will require a month of construction to rebuild. I know it’s an inconvenience, but prison levels always take forever to complete. In a lot of ways, they’re worse than elaborate death traps. For henchmen employed on the affected floors in the western bunker, please contact your shift supervisors to find out your temporary assignment while the building is being repaired.
In sad news, Henchmen 89B-1A (Rob) was brought back to life by joint efforts of the clone lab and the occult department last night, but he has decided that he rather enjoyed being dead. If you want say anything to Rob before he goes, attend to it soon. His execution is scheduled for 3:00, the funeral at 4:00, and a memorial dinner will be served at 5:00. I hope to see everyone there.
Later in the week, the local Red Cross will be conducting C.P.R. certification classes for us. Their staff believe our cover that we’re a religious cult, so everyone remember to be a little too intense about spirituality. Refer any inquires about our religious observances to our “recruitments leaders” (anyone lieutenant rank or above).
In addition, the cafeteria would like you to know that menu for Tuesday has been changed to include jambalaya, the computer department is planning to release the beta of their Trojan horse/video game this week, and on Thursday the science department will update us on their latest advancements in time travel.
Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.
Dr. Photius Callaway
The Killing Man