Primate Typings

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

Well, we all found out what happened to the henchmen corpses I was keeping in the lobby, didn’t we? For those that missed it, a giant Frankenstein monster with too many heads and limbs interrupted the screening of Iron Boots. While the Duke growled about the American way and justice that looked a bit like revenge, the monster ripped its way through the auditorium, tossing chairs and henchmen aside as it plowed straight toward me. At the back of the auditorium, Dr. Philip Alexander of the science department ranted something about revenge against the world and taking my place as leader of our organization. Honestly, I cannot tell you exactly what he said, because I was not really paying attention to him. Although I do remember wondering why he thought killing me meant the Elite Triad would follow him. In any event, Dr. Alexander seemed to think my reputation for being able to kill anything did not extend to things that were already dead. He was wrong, and soon enough, he was dead.

He left a mess behind him though. In addition to the damage in Auditorium A, Dr. Alexander destroyed the occult department’s soul catchers, in order to keep them from raising me from the dead. Unfortunately, there was collateral damage to his attempt to kill me. Everyone, please take a moment of your day today to remember Henchman 22O-0D (Sean), who did not survive the rampage. He served our organization in Cafeteria B, keeping our villainy fed and ready to fight against heroes the world over. He will be missed.

While we will continue preparations for Operation Big Question, we will delay its execution while we repair the soul catchers. Most of the materials from the old ones can be recycled, but the demon ichor and the angel feathers have to be freshly gathered. Until then, we’ll just have to take the risks of living like the regular mortals we are. Except for Saber-Cat, of course. This does not affect his immortality one way or the other.

The medical division will be distributing flu shots this week. Please take the time to get one. The LEGO club is displaying the best of this quarter’s creations in Break Room C, so stop by and check their work out. Finally, a viewing party for the annual Dimensional Sky Rift is being held at the top of the southwest tower Wednesday night. The meteorologists are predicting clear skies, so we should have a spectacular view of the eruption. I hope to see you there.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator: 

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

I would like to take a moment to address some rumors making the rounds after last week’s visit from the Chlorophyll Cabal. This was not a preliminary to our two organizations consolidating. While I am personally fond of their leader Green Needle, the aims of our organizations are not entirely compatible. We, of course, intend to turn the world into an efficiently run technocracy with ourselves in charge. They intend to return the Earth to an ideal pastoral period that never actually existed. While Green Needle and I believe there will be a niche for the other once one of us conquers the world, what we seek will result in very different planets.

Nevertheless, any organization that turns down an opportunity to learn from its competition deserves to get beaten. At least, that was the reason Commander Bleach gave when he put in for leave to spend time serving with the Cabal. I suggested his request had more to do with all the time he spent with Cabal lieutenant Broad Leaf during the week. He assured me that he simply wanted to follow up on his interest in the strategic deployment of plant materials. I commented that described her (lack of an) outfit and pointed out he had to morals of an alley cat. He countered that we were all supervillains. Touché. Hopefully, he will return to us soon.

The occult department reports that they are not sure if we need to hold a memorial service for Henchman 68Y-9K (Sully). He was being shadowed by one of Plant Master’s Shamblers down in the science lab. Apparently, Shamblers have an unsuspected vulnerability to Lieber radiation. When briefly exposed to the backscatter from a demonstration on a rat of the green rage strain, the Shambler swelled up and exploded. Henchman 68Y-9K caught a clump of Shambler matter right in the face, and it immediately invaded him. By the time they got him to the medical department, his conditioned had stabilized, but he now behaves more like a zombie-like Shambler than a real person. The medical department has not been able to reverse his condition, and the occult department will not sign off on making a clone body because they cannot find his soul. It did not show up in their soul catchers after the attack, nor does it seem to be attached to his old body. Both departments will continue to work on the problem, but I have already authorized extending survivor benefits to his family to help with their loss. Sully’s squadmates will be having a few rounds in his honor at the Little Evil if anyone wants to join them tonight.

On a brighter note, we upheld our standing as the Inter-Evil Ping-Pong Champions by beating the Cabal five sets to two. Congratulations and cash prizes go to our entire team.

In other matters, if anyone has any information regarding the frozen henchmen corpses missing from the front lobby, please report it to your squad leader. I told security that no one will get in trouble for it, no matter how cranky they are that their cameras were tampered with. Were the bodies stolen to get a proper burial or for some darker purpose? Considering our crowd, I assume the latter, but I am genuinely curious.

Finally, the propaganda department is showing John Wayne movies in Auditorium A every evening this week, including his superhero epic, Iron Boots. Drop by and remember why we all became supervillains in the first place.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

First, I’d like to congratulate everyone for the success of Operation Prairie Dog. The crystals we stole from the Magicforge Gnomes will go a long way in moving forward Project Jelly Doughnut. A special note of recognition goes to Extraction Team Delta for rescuing two members of Science Team A from the clutches of the superheroes Sunshine and Snowstorm. The heroes’ appearance was an unexpected variable in the operation; Sunshine and Snowstorm do not even follow the same the theme as the Gnomes. Nevertheless, Delta overcame the odds and kept their fellow henchmen from a stint in the Magicforge dungeons.

Despite the success, there were some disciplinary problems during a heist that I feel the need to address. I would like to remind everyone that we are a criminal enterprise dedicated Grand Gesture school of crime. Every person who dies during one of our operations is one less we will rule over once we seize power. Now, it would exceptionally hypocritical of me to say murder is never appropriate, but there is a difference between killing people and committing atrocities. If you lack the temperament to maintain the discipline this requires, our exit interviews involve a strictly minimal amount of memory wipes. The corpses of the six henchmen I had to discipline will be on display in cryogenic units in the front lobby for the rest of the week.

The injunction against casual killing does not apply to superheroes, of course. They come back from the dead more often than Dracula. So, if you see someone wearing a costume and they are not on our side, shoot to kill.

The Chlorophyll Cabal is visiting us this week to observe our operation, so strange costumes in the hallway this week should not be an immediate cause for alarm. If your food tastes funny at meals, it is because it has been spiced with an anti-hypnotic that can counter the mesmerizing powers of some of the Cabal’s members. As I pointed out to their leader Green Needle, it is not that we do not trust her people; it is just that supervillains are notorious for suffering from poor impulse control. Better, I think, to be safe rather than sorry. If you start to experience any strange effects from the additives or from proximity to Cabal members, please consult our medical staff.

The list of shared events and guest lectures with visiting Cabal members is posted on bulletin boards throughout the complex.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone. Maintenance tells me there are still several velociraptors running around the building after the science department’s time travel fiasco. The biology department says they have all of the critters they can use, so if you see any of the chicken-sized carnivores running around, feel free to use them for target practice. Yes, velociraptors are actually chicken-sized. I would say we should run an operation to teach the idiots in charge of the Jurassic Park movies a couple of things, but the Rabid Dinoman already took care of that.

This is a good time to remind everyone to keep their paradox implants properly charged. Henchmen 76D-6W (Susan) and 34F-8C (Reggie) have not been seen since the explosion at the time travel demonstration. Yes, the implants do allow us to track you, but letting a super-criminal organization know every detail of your movements is not worse than getting wiped out of existence by a time shift. Usually.

Operation Prairie Dog will be implemented on Friday. Nevertheless, I expect we will have it wrapped up in time for everyone to enjoy their weekend. The motor pool should ensure all available drill sleds are operational by the end of Thursday. On Friday morning, the assigned assault teams will assemble in the southeast garage accompanied by science unit A. Extraction teams Beta, Delta, and Epsilon will take their positions at teleport rooms 16, 18, and 19, while Gamma will launch from the flight hanger as the airborne backup. The medical and occult departments should be ready to deal with casualties. 

Before that, we can look forward a week of evening cooking classes taught by Celebrity Chef Rouel. Maintaining cover during the lessons will not be necessary, as the science department will have Rouel under their mind control. He believes he is vacationing in the Bahamas. He may not be getting much rest, but I can say he will return to his regular life relaxed and with a camera full of computer-manipulated vacation pictures.

Next week we’ll be playing host to a delegation from the Chlorophyll Cabal, so expect to see vegetable people shadowing henchmen in your department. Remember everyone: plants are people too.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet. 

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

I’ve been without a favorite album for a while. There are certainly albums that I like, but they all contain some tracks that are duds.

I used to have one that I loved from beginning to end: Counting Crows’ “August and Everything After.” Listening to it a few years back, I realized the singer is not romantic so much as a complete douchebag. I may have grown up a little since I fell in love with it.

Anyway, I was working third shift the other week, and this song came on our college radio station. I glad to say I haven’t grown up all that much: I enjoyed the use of swearing in the chorus. Here’s the video. NSFW for language.

 

So I bought the album “Sigh No More” from Mumford & Sons, and I like every track. I may have new favorite album.