Archive for January, 2011

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

For those of you wondering how I was going recap the end of last week’s reality rewrite, I’ll say that the solution involved a cartoon animal orgy. Now let us never speak of it again.

Rather than press on with one of our big projects this week, I authorized the recovery of Henchman 98B-3O (Carl). We lost him during our operation against the Soil Six when he was eaten by Granquartz the Magnificent, the giant living stone dragon statue that makes her home in the Six’s base. Normally, we would have just brought Carl back by putting his soul into a clone of his body, but after the battle his soul did not show up in the Technefarious’s soul catchers. Our occult department determined that Granquartz had somehow ensnared Carl’s soul during the fight.

While I was away last month playing with aliens, our wizards figured out a way to extract Carl from Granquartz’s claws. Most of the process could be accomplished using in-house resources, but there a few aspects that needed to be brought in from outside. I took it upon myself to arrange for their acquisition, which means I got to call Bleach into my office and tell him to bring me five gallons of dragon semen. I love being the supervillain in charge.

He succeeded in his mission, but refused to discuss the details after he got back. I thought that was a little odd. I mean dragon semen isn’t as useful as dragon blood, but it is available on the black market. He would have just told me if he bought it, right?

The occult department did their work on the materials Bleach had acquired, and then all that was left to do was to deliver the load. I decided to go with a more subtle approach than our last attack on the Soil Six’s base. Since Quanquartz’s quarters are in the caves in the back of their base and we weren’t trying to steal anything out of it this time, I went with a phase-shifter to sneak in. No one currently on our staff specializes in that power set, but I make it a policy to stay on good term with former Technefarious employees whenever possible. I contacted the Positronic Ghost and he has agreed to make the run for a tidy sum.

There were no henchmen deaths to memorialize this week. Hopefully, that’s a good sign for this operation.

In another news, the Golden Web responded to cremated remains of their agents, the note, and the bomb we sent them the other week. They responded by sending back a fruitcake with a file baked into it. The science and occult departments tell me that it doesn’t seemed to be booby trapped or otherwise stranger than it appears to be. I had it teleported to one of our storage facilities in the asteroid belt to play it safe. I responded to the Golden Web’s puzzling package by sending them a set of pirated copies of the television series Manimal recorded on Betamax tapes. I had the commercials left in.

This week’s recreational activities include the propaganda department screening a marathon of Larry Lemur animated shorts in auditorium A. I won’t be attending.

Have a good week everyone. Remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway 

The Killing Man

In response to a post on The Next Best Book Blog where they were lamenting the fact that most states have dropped cursive from the elementary curriculum, I wrote the response that followed. My third response was completely ridiculous in length, so I posted it only here. Head over there if you want the full back and forth.

First Response:

Well, cursive is designed for writing large chunks of text quickly, and no one does that anymore in business world or the academic world or the art world. Speaking as someone who stopped writing in cursive while in high school not quite two decades ago, I can’t see any practical reason to keep teaching it.

Second Response:

As with any other out of date and unused chunks of human knowledge, a group of amateur and academic specialists will emerge as curators of its history. Think of Egyptian hieroglyphics or the Greek alphabet to keep in same vein as cursive. As a society, we can still read them. If person wants to learn it or just get something translated, there are others who maintain that information – or even recover it. We can read Mayan hieroglyphs today, which is not something we could do a century ago. Sure, my grandkids might not be able to read my parents’ love letters without going to see an expert, but like many Americans, I couldn’t read my great-grandparents’ love letters because they’re weren’t in English. But I could find someone who can; specialists are wonderful people.

Dropping something that isn’t useful to the current world and not unique in ways it teaches a person to think is neither unreasonable nor unprecedented. Within my parents’ lifetime, Latin went from taught in every school to being taught in almost none. It wasn’t useful enough anymore. It went from the language of an empire to a language of the scholars to a language of just the scientists. Once it was supplanted in science by German and later by English, it was just a matter of time before it fell out of our curriculum. Sure, it was useful for learning any of the Romance languages, but you know what also makes learning those languages easier? Learning any one of the Romance languages. They’re not any further apart from each other than they are from Latin.

If cursive taught the kids something unique, I’d demand they’d keep it in school. But I know the kids are getting a second language in school earlier than I did. I also know they’ll be on their computers, running into Arabic and Japanese and Chinese scripts as they bum around on the internet. They’ll be changing fonts to Comic Sans for really inappropriate works with their word processors. They’ll understand that how language is presented can be more than upper and lower case.

So, yeah, I’m okay with saying goodbye to cursive. It frees up time to teach the kids something else about language.

Third Response:

Is cursive intrinsic to learning English in all its forms? I argue that it is not. We don’t use Old English anymore. We don’t use Middle English anymore. We don’t use the letter thorn. We don’t use English in all its forms. Why should we teach the parts that aren’t used or useful anymore to our kids?

Handwriting is not just cursive. It is both print and cursive. They are not dropping teaching printing, only cursive. TBBNC Super Mod, in your second response, I’m unclear if you think they are dropping both from the curriculum or that other circumstances will cause humanity how to forget how to write in print once the bomb drops. Really, after the apocalypse, the knowledge of how to handwrite long notes quickly instead of slowly is not the worst thing the average modern human will be missing from their knowledge base.

Cursive is just a specialized font for writing many words quickly. My concern about it becoming unreadable is that as a font, it distorts some letters to the point where there is only a passing resemblance between the print letter and the cursive one. It is not as bad as the differences between hiragana and katakana in Japanese, but it is a noticeable one. If cursive is not taught, I do believe that later generations will not be able to read earlier cursive without a specialist’s assistance. It is a loss, but not one I consider good enough to continue teaching it.

Some these things don't look like the others

I’m just saying the sets on the left look less like they go together than the ones on the right

 

We teach Roman Numerals to our kids. It’s not directly useful anymore, but I suspect it hangs around because it establishes early that the Arabic numbers we teach them first are not the only way to handle numbers. It’s a very useful bit to know when it comes time to learn binary or hexadecimal numbering systems, if their math education requires them to go that far. I’m not a math education specialist however, so my reasoning could be wrong.

The parallel between print/cursive and Arabic/Roman numerals would be the lesson that the print letters are not the only way to handle written language. My points about foreign languages and fonts were addressing this parallel. I believe that exposure to foreign languages and easy font changes will convey that lesson without also teaching them cursive. I apologize that I didn’t clarify that point.

The only lessons cursive teaches are how to handwrite quickly and the notion that the first language they teach is us not the only way to handle language. If there is any additional specific reasons to teach it that I do not have an objection to, I don’t see them here.

The reason that writing notes during lectures gives better results than typing sound reasonable enough that I will concede that point without asking for scientific proof. However, it does not address any differences between taking notes with print or cursive. Having survived middle school, high school, and college with just print, I’m afraid I will require scientific proof on the possibility that cursive is better than print for learning during note taking. However, I will not be offended anyone finds my anecdote insufficient to prove print is just as good cursive to note taking, as anecdotes are a lousy way to prove a sweeping statement about how people learn.

Actually, anecdotes are a lousy way to prove any sweeping statement. For example, writers who find handwriting assists their creativity are nice (Neil Gaiman is one award-winning author who prefers to work that way), but they don’t speak for all writers. For example, my first graphic novel script and my first novel were both handwritten and then typed up. Everything after has been directly into the computer. I haven’t noticed a drop in my creativity. It also doesn’t seem to be holding back authors who just use computers (John Scalzi is one award-winning author who prefers to work that way so much that he became award-winning without even owning a printer to make a hardcopy later.)

Yes, cursive is pretty when done right, but we have art and music to teach the kids pretty. (If you want get the knives out to go after those cutting art and music from curriculums, my blade is yours.) When cursive isn’t done right, it’s too often an illegible scrawl. I had both science professors and English professors express appreciation for the fact that I printed when I handwrote, since they knew they’d be able to read it. I wouldn’t draw too much of a conclusion from that, except that it suggests that cursive was already declining in use then and that some human beings have really atrocious cursive. We already knew the second, or there wouldn’t be all those jokes about the bad handwriting of medical doctors.

There is no legal requirement that signatures be in cursive. I’m curious to see what the younger generation comes up with for them. After I dropped cursive myself, I changed my signature to an illegible scrawl that vaguely resembles the cursive script I was using before. Which meant my signature was now in the same illegible scrawl style that all the adults I knew used. In any event, I’m sure whatever the non-cursive taught kids come up with, it will annoy the hell out of the older people who will then moan about how bad the younger generation is, thus fulfilling the ancient prophecy and putting off the Apocalypse for yet another generation.

The objection that they’re cutting cursive without replacing it with something useful is just silly. Oh, I’d be happier if the replacement was of the teaching-how-to-think-critically variety, but it is not like cursive was great at that, since it’s mostly memorization, repetition, and practicing motor-skills. Let’s not pretend the secrets of the universe were hiding within its unbroken lines. Unless they were. In that case, we truly face a future of post-apocalyptic slowly written notes.

From the Desk of the Dictator:

If you’re reading this, our usual universe is offline. While our paradox implants means that most of Technefarious is around in their original forms, the rest of the universe has been turned into a Mad Max post-apocalypse world inhabited by cartoon animal versions of all the superheroes and supervillains who don’t have paradox implants. Apparently, Larry Lemur the Living Cartoon was cheating with Universan of the ApocoCreatures, when his girlfriend Malicia Ravenwitch caught them in the act. As the domestic fight escalated, the three accidently rewrote the universe. We’re trying to fix it.

I’m typing this on my communicator so those extra-universal beings tapping into Technefarious’s internal memo system for their own entertainment don’t wonder why I didn’t write a memo this week. It’s too expensive to make our whole base paradox proof, so our usual equipment doesn’t exist for the Technefarious staff to read. So this is just for all you extra-universal voyeurs out there.

My usual posts for actual Technefarious staff should resume next week. Unless the fuzzy cartoon people kill us first.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

It’s good to be back. For those wondering where I was at the end of last week, I took a few days off. Escaping from the clutches of some deeply disturbed aliens was exhausting, so after I got back, I spent a couple of days at home catching up on my sleep. What’s the point of being charge of a supervillain organization if you can’t take a personal day now and then? Speaking of which, why did anyone place bets that I was actually on vacation with Green Needle in the betting pool about my disappearance? I’m a SUPERVILLAIN. Taking a vacation with a beautiful woman is the cover I use for committing criminal activity. Why would I lie about getting abducted by aliens to cover up my getting laid? The odds that Frigid had secretly staged a coup and had me assassinated was a safer bet.

Speaking of whom, I’d like to extend a special thanks to Frigid for keeping Technefarious ticking along while I was unavailable. I have reports on minor advancements of several projects while I was away. I’m happy to report I brought back my own contribution to our work from my trip. Among the materials I had Fusion Man make for me back on the Asyms’s ship were two energy collection rods that we were using months ago to gather his signature radiation for Project Cut Flowers. He didn’t know what they were, and I collected a lot in the short time we worked together since he was using his powers instead of just sulking in a cell.

Still, not everything during my absence was betting pools and serendipitous radiation collection. Frigid had to deal with her own insurrection while I was away. A half-dozen henchmen tried assassinate her, Bleach, and the Elite Triad. Strictly speaking, it was not a coup because they were acting on behalf of the Golden Web. Technefarious’s rivalry with the G.W. goes all back the way back to our founder, Dr. Crankpot. They tried to recruit the good (evil) Doctor at the beginning of his career, but he rejected them. Even as a youngster, he was a cranky old bastard that didn’t like taking orders. Technefarious grew out of the henchmen Crankpot surrounded himself with, so naturally we bumped heads with the G.W. in our competition to conquer the world. The current leaders of the Golden Web decided my absence was perfect time to strike at us.

I executed Henchmen 85G-0U (Charlie), 35S-6N (Hank), 91Z-0U (Robert), 43F-1L (Archie), 27L-5L (Scott), 21V-6C (Jean) for their infiltration of Technefarious on the Golden Web’s behalf. While we mull our response options, I had their ashes shipped back to the G.W. with a note and a bomb attached.

Have a good week everyone. Remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

To recap the last few weeks: others and myself were kidnapped by aliens freaky even by alien standards in that their species isn’t particularly genetically stable. Shine dubbed them Asyms due to their asymmetrical bodies. The Asyms spend their spare time seeking out the best genetic arrangement by pitting their abductees against each other and themselves in combat. I probably would have just introduced them to one of universe killers that live on Earth if they had just asked nicely, but they weren’t really interested in taking tea with me.

Instead, they dumped me in with Green Needle, Fusion Man, and Shine Jackson. That would be a medical doctor who specializes in killing things, a biologist specializing in creating exotic alterations in the living, a superhero with easy access to the entire spectrum of fusion/fission reactions, and a blogger for whom bizarre adventures is a common place. Apparently they couldn’t see the trouble that combination might create.

First, they let us keep our basic equipment, because they consider tools part of a being’s genetic expression. Fusion Man brought his pocket lint, I brought my Technefarious communicator and a few sharp objects, Green Needle brought her apothecary-in-a-gun and a few other tools, and Shine brought his tablet and cell phone. Really, I’m selling Shine short. Sometime during his adventures, he picked up a bunch of different super-science widgets and crammed them all in normal looking computer equipment. Universal translator? Check. Full EM spectrum wifi recognition? Check. Local area sensor suite? Check. Media editing? Check. Using the wifi to connect to the Aysms’s computers, Shine hacked into their system using the universal translator, recorded a picture of our cell with his cell phone, and created a fake video to fool their security system with the media editor. I might have claimed earlier that Shine doesn’t have any superpowers. I think I lied.

Once he was in, Shine also dumped the data he stole into Green Needle’s cell phone and my communicator to let us dig through their data to develop a plan. It turned out the reason Fusion Man couldn’t just blast his way out of our cell is that the Asyms coated every surface in the ship with a force field that they manipulated with the wands their carried around. When they wanted to shove us around, all they had to do was wrap us in fields extending from the walls and push. We also found their transportation method – galactic range spontaneous small wormhole generation. They didn’t have a ship over Earth; just a small scouting probe that could direct the wormholes. Getting home required getting through one of their wormholes which required getting past the force field which required dealing with the Asyms.

While Green Needle wading through the Asyms genetic history looking for ways to take them apart, I had Fusion Man make me stuff from the food they were feeding us. We started with a wand for the force fields, so we could get at the walls, so Fusion could make more equipment derived from the Technefarious equipment designs I keep in my communicator. By the time I had everything I wanted, Green Needle was ready to go, so we went. Having hacked through their defenses and found vulnerabilities in their wild genetic structure, we stomped across the ship, leaving havoc in our wake. After fighting our way through a six firefights, a dozen hostile fellow-abductees, and one fat mountain of happiness-inducing marmalade (I’d love to know the full story behind that one), we made our to the teleportation room. I ran the now hacked controls for the unit, sending everyone else through first and leaving something behind for the Asyms.

Back on Earth, Fusion expressed his admiration to me for my willingness to be last off of the Asyms’s ship. I responded that among the items I had him make for me back in the cell was a bomb strong enough to rip apart the spaceship even with all its force fields intact and that I’d stayed behind so I could arm it.

Fusion Man doesn’t like me very much.

Before he could decide if he really wanted to kill and before he remembered that he was supposed to be arresting me for the many, many crimes I’ve committed over the years, Green Needle hooked into Technefarious’s own teleportation systems and spirited us away.

That’s enough for now. It’s just good to be home.

Have a good week everyone.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

Frigid assures me that you’ve all been good little henchmen while I’ve been stranded on the far side of the universe, and frankly, that terrifies me.

To calm my nerves, I’ll fill you in on what I’ve been up to since my abduction by aliens.  Did I mention that it was Green Needle’s fault? The Asyms abducted her first. According to Shine, the Asyms are always born as not-twins, so they assume all other species must also come as a mismatched set. When they are asked Green Needle to identify her other half, she chose me. I said she should have chosen Rage Carnage, instead. She responded that she wanted someone who would help her back to Earth, not someone that would blow up the entire space ship. I told her that we would just have to see about that.  

Physically, the Asyms are notable for their variety of body shapes. They display very little in the way of symmetry, with mismatched limbs and organs stuck randomly along their body. Despite their mishmash of fish/mammal/reptile/insect/bird/tree/amoeba/non-Euclidean-monster-parts, they manage to move with a lethal grace. Apparently, their species has a staggering rate of mutations, fueled in part by their reproductive cycle. Shine claims that after the “egg” and “sperm” of a mated not-twin pair mix, the fertilized result scrambles the available genetic material and then splits into a new pair of not-twins. This happens by the trillions when they mate. Most combinations die immediately, and not-twins that lose their other half are quickly swarmed under by the complete not-twin pairs, resulting in a new horde of asymmetrical abominations every generation. Apparently, only their lifelong link to their not-twin and their reproductive cycle is the only things that breed true. Considering how many superpowers are the side effects of mutations on our planet, you can imagine the range of abilities they have as a species. It doesn’t seem particularly efficient way to go about it to me, but it’s a weird universe.

Impressed by the diversity they saw while observing Earth, they decided to take an extra sample of the local fauna besides Green Needle and myself. I’ve mention that Fusion Man was along for this trip in my last memo, which means that yes, the Shine I keep mentioning in this one is Shine Jackson: Action Blogger. Shine isn’t really a proper superhero, falling more into the Jimmy Olsen (Earth 1) or Rick Jones (Earth 616) spectrum of sidekick: no natural power set of his own, he still manages hang in with the heaviest of superhero adventures. Shine has had superpowers now and then, but nothing that stays with him all the time. Of course, his best friend is Fusion Man, who you can imagine was just delighted to see me as a fellow abductee. Actually, he assumed I was in league with the aliens, which isn’t surprising considering Technefarious had him imprisoned ourselves a few months ago. Shine and Green Needle managed to convince him otherwise, but it was kind of dicey there for a few minutes.

The Asyms watched our less-than-friendly scuffle without interfering, which is typical for them. Apparently, they spend their time trying to discover the ultimate evolution, a state they seem to think comes about by one organism destroying another. I’ve actually killed two not-twin pairs on this trip so far. They have the technology to corral us without making themselves vulnerable, but they’ll still expose themselves to us to see how we’ll react. Not being a superhero, I usually react by trying to whittle their numbers down. They’re tough enough but won’t normally come to the aid of someone who isn’t their not-twin. If I want to fight a pair, the Asym will let me, just to see if I will die. I don’t, and then they use their force fields to force back to whatever holding area they had us in that day.

My murders on this trip haven’t been limited to the Asyms. We’re not the only sample they’ve taken from the universe, and like kids putting insects in a glass jar, they’ll dump us together to see how we’ll react to the other aliens in the menagerie. That is how I got hurt last week. Bored by the fact that we four humans weren’t fighting among ourselves anymore, they added these two toxic radioactive piles of sludge. The goo took an immediate dislike to us, leaping to devour Shine as he recorded his impressions of our new roommates. Fusion Man, of course, leapt to his aid, but the sludges hit him with some sort of radiation burst that disoriented him (science department, please take note). My powers tipped me off that letting the piles devour Fusion would cause an unpleasant reaction to the local area, so I had to leap in, earning myself two goo-dissolved nubs of what use to be my hands, followed up by a mouth full of goo when I screamed. If Fusion Man hadn’t been still functioning well enough to fly me away from the fight, I would have been even more miserable than I was while my body parts regrew. While that was going on, Green Needle had been methodically cycling through her arsenal of poisoned needles in her gun, finally happening upon a combination that the sludge didn’t like.

The Asyms left us alone while Fusion Man and I recovered from the fight, but they’ve started mixing us with new roommates again. That’s a good thing. We four humans have been working on a plan.

Have a good week everyone. I’ll be home soon.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man