From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

I want to official record a commendation to Techenfarious’s staff for the response to last week’s crisis. Facing off against even a fraction of Hell’s forces is enough to challenge any organization, but we came through it with flying colors.

Our assault teams responded to the initial assault by rotating through their ammo loads to test the defenses of the attacking devils. Silver and plasma turned out to do the most damage. A special note of approval goes out to the armory for getting the right reloads out to our front lines throughout the battle.

I spent most of the fight out in a jet suit, wacking away at the invaders with the sword Holyfang. While divinely blessed to cleave the forces of evil, Holyfang doesn’t care who wields it, which is good news for me. I’m not sure who the last hero to wield it was. I bought on the black market. You never know when you’ll have to fight a demon prince and his minions.

In this case, the demon prince was Grubberslice. One of thirteen that managed to penetrate our world, they had spread out to conquer points of concentrated power to add to their own. Naturally enough under those circumstances, our base caught Grubberslice’s eye. Still, he misjudged our readiness to fight him, especially what I can bring to a battle.

After I disposed of our local prince, his devils staged a retreat. I tagged along behind, wanting to see where they’d go. We ended up at the site of a satanic ceremony gone wrong, in that the summoners were dead and the devils were running amuck. They had summoned thirteen demon princes, none of whom had stuck around to defend their entry point to our world. They had left minions there though, and I found a mixed bag of local superheroes and escaped criminals engaged with them.

Leading the fight was our own Frigid. One of the princes had attacked the Longhorn Powered Maximum Prison to collect to superpowers gathered there. That was where Frigid was imprisoned, and she rallied a group of criminals who were less than thrilled with the arrival of devils to dispose of the invaders. Promising our fellow criminals a payday from Technefarious, she also followed the defeated devils back to their source after killing their prince.

While she supplied the warm bodies for the fight, it was the Baptized Billygoat from the local heroes that provided the answer to end to war. My arrival brought us up to thirteen humans, and the superhero ordered us to take the places of the deceased Satanists that had originally set this is motion. As it turns out, thirteen is actually stronger as a holy number than one of evil. A Passover supper held long ago locked the number to the power of the divine, and the fondness of the forces of evil for the number is just an attempt to pervert that. Despite the moral dubiousness of some of his thirteen, Billygoat forged us together in a prayer that pulled all the devils that come out of the site back, and then shoved them back into hell.

Pleased with our assistance but thoroughly outnumbered, Billygoat politely encouraged the assembled escaped criminals to turn themselves in and serve out our sentences. I politely told him to fuck off and brought Frigid and the other escapees back to our base.

The smarter of you will probably realize that being so close to Frigid’s prison and the fight with the devils was the reason we had to move our base again. The cleanup crews the Establishment would send after the event would almost certainly run across the base we were at.

Please try to make our new recruits feel at home. New recruits, please keep in mind that I do have a history of personally killing Technefarious employees that get too far out of line.

There is a bridge tournament on Tuesday evening and a magic tournament on Thursday evening. The first is the card game; the second is the competitive perversion of the natural order. The Magic: The Gathering tournament is next week.

Have a good week everyone. Remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway
The Killing Man