Primate Typings

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone. Maintenance tells me there are still several velociraptors running around the building after the science department’s time travel fiasco. The biology department says they have all of the critters they can use, so if you see any of the chicken-sized carnivores running around, feel free to use them for target practice. Yes, velociraptors are actually chicken-sized. I would say we should run an operation to teach the idiots in charge of the Jurassic Park movies a couple of things, but the Rabid Dinoman already took care of that.

This is a good time to remind everyone to keep their paradox implants properly charged. Henchmen 76D-6W (Susan) and 34F-8C (Reggie) have not been seen since the explosion at the time travel demonstration. Yes, the implants do allow us to track you, but letting a super-criminal organization know every detail of your movements is not worse than getting wiped out of existence by a time shift. Usually.

Operation Prairie Dog will be implemented on Friday. Nevertheless, I expect we will have it wrapped up in time for everyone to enjoy their weekend. The motor pool should ensure all available drill sleds are operational by the end of Thursday. On Friday morning, the assigned assault teams will assemble in the southeast garage accompanied by science unit A. Extraction teams Beta, Delta, and Epsilon will take their positions at teleport rooms 16, 18, and 19, while Gamma will launch from the flight hanger as the airborne backup. The medical and occult departments should be ready to deal with casualties. 

Before that, we can look forward a week of evening cooking classes taught by Celebrity Chef Rouel. Maintaining cover during the lessons will not be necessary, as the science department will have Rouel under their mind control. He believes he is vacationing in the Bahamas. He may not be getting much rest, but I can say he will return to his regular life relaxed and with a camera full of computer-manipulated vacation pictures.

Next week we’ll be playing host to a delegation from the Chlorophyll Cabal, so expect to see vegetable people shadowing henchmen in your department. Remember everyone: plants are people too.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet. 

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend, everyone. For anyone who missed the excitement, the weekend staff dealt with an incursion by the Elite Star Samurais. While causalities were relativity light, both medical bay and the cloning labs having been putting in extra hours to get everyone back on their feet. Hazard bonuses will be issued on your next paycheck if you were on duty during the battle, and overtime will be given to those who helped clean up afterwards. As always, those on sick leave while they recover will receive their full salary. 

The Star Samurais got in by hacking a teleport gate and left the same way. On the upside, the transportation staff says the heroes did not manage to extract our headquarters real-world location from the equipment, so we won’t have to relocate for the seventh time this year. On the downside, the enemy did manage to extract Prisoner 37 (Fusion Man) from the west bunker. Three days in captivity isn’t the shortest stay we’ve had for one of our guests, but we had hoped to extract more energy from him before he escaped or was rescued. His early departure has left us well short of the power requirements we need to implement Project Cut Flowers, but we shall persevere.

 Maintenance reports most of the cosmetic damage from the battle will be repaired by the end of the week, but green, blue, and red levels of the western bunker will require a month of construction to rebuild. I know it’s an inconvenience, but prison levels always take forever to complete. In a lot of ways, they’re worse than elaborate death traps. For henchmen employed on the affected floors in the western bunker, please contact your shift supervisors to find out your temporary assignment while the building is being repaired.

In sad news, Henchmen 89B-1A (Rob) was brought back to life by joint efforts of the clone lab and the occult department last night, but he has decided that he rather enjoyed being dead. If you want say anything to Rob before he goes, attend to it soon. His execution is scheduled for 3:00, the funeral at 4:00, and a memorial dinner will be served at 5:00. I hope to see everyone there.

Later in the week, the local Red Cross will be conducting C.P.R. certification classes for us. Their staff believe our cover that we’re a religious cult, so everyone remember to be a little too intense about spirituality. Refer any inquires about our religious observances to our “recruitments leaders” (anyone lieutenant rank or above).

In addition, the cafeteria would like you to know that menu for Tuesday has been changed to include jambalaya, the computer department is planning to release the beta of their Trojan horse/video game this week, and on Thursday the science department will update us on their latest advancements in time travel.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

Transcribing some old notes into my computer. Under supervillains, I put this note with new commentary:

“Dead Moss and the Lichen People – or possibly the Lichen Poodle. Can’t read my writing.”

Yeah, I have no idea how my brain works.

I’m finally posting some of my old works. Don’t expect any major updates to them unless someone throws money at me. Better to keep moving forward and keep learning, I think, than to revisit something done some time ago.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s not new to some of you.

Here’s my webcomic, Phantast Staffing Services, which ran from March 2004 to October 2005, archived in its original php.

Here are the first of my LEGO comcis, because I think they’re neat and I keep forgetting what the links to them are. LEGO 1, LEGO 2, LEGO 3, LEGO 4, LEGO 5.

Finally, in the posts below is my first book, a fantasy novel titled, “The Nameless Sword.”

Enjoy.

            The Destroyer of the Universe woke in the Crypt of the Firstborn and reached up to push aside the sarcophagus lid. His left arm screamed as he pulled himself out, a painful reminder of the battle that took place in the final moments. The light from the entrance of the crypt filled the chamber, revealing more than a thousand other sarcophagi lining the floor. His opponent was nowhere in sight. (more…)

            The canyons stretched for miles in the city of Tagerden. Towering stone buildings lined the winding streets, creating shadows burned away only by the height of the day. The crowds of the city disappeared during that time, taking shelter from the blistering heat of On. Zonneshin. The merchants closed their stalls and removed themselves to sup and rest before facing the customers who would shop long into the evening. Down on the docks, men cursed the sun and loaded the cargo onto the ships set to leave on a tide that cared nothing for the heat. Elsewhere, others whose duties kept them under the sky sweated and prayed for Zonneshin to hurry along his way. (more…)

            Celeres trundled back along the street, returning from feeding the gate guards. The streets of the city were empty save for the beggars taking what shelter they could in the narrow shadows from the eaves of the buildings. Celeres ignored them, knowing the heat pushed most of them into slumber. Even the few alert to his passing would not spare the energy to futilely proposition him for a bit from his cashbox. It was the same every day, so Celeres, wrapped up in his thoughts of Sanura, failed to notice the shape dropping down from the roofs before it knocked him over. (more…)

            The crowds stared at them, of course. Even wrapped in a blanket, it was obvious just what the body was. Parading through the street with a corpse simply was not done, but Sanura’s uniform parted the crowd despite any doubts they had. (more…)