Primate Typings

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

As you have all noticed, we’re delaying our attack for another week. I have a cold, and I’ll be damned I’m going to get into a fight with every nation in the world and the Establishment while I’m under the weather. Actually, I have it on good authority that I’m already damned, but I still hate fighting when I’m wearing my fuzzy bunny slippers. They’re made from real bunnies, you know.

Did you also know that Dr. Adam Numeral (a.k.a. The Atomic Number) actually invented a cure for the common cold back in the 1950’s? Unfortunately, its creation coincided with the Livid Plague’s manufacture of a virulent, mutation-prone, and deadly super-cold. The Atomic Number managed to dilute Livid’s virus with his cure, but all it did was reduce the severity of the symptoms. Today, the regular cold virus is dead and all the colds people get are actually created by the weakened super-cold bug. If I’m every time traveling to that era, someone remind me to kill the Livid Plague.

We’ll be running with minimum staffing this week to keep the bug from spreading throughout our organization and forcing us to delay the attack another week. Check in with your shift supervisors to determine what your hours are.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – we’re just taking the week off from our duties.

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

I have never liked the MechaMen.

Giant robots have their place in the scheme of things. Certainly, they have been dead useful for keeping the Pacific Ocean’s population of giant monsters under control. The way Japan shattered China’s magical protections during World War Two left the entire Pacific Rim open to the rampaging critters. Certainly the superpowered population held them off for a while, but it was the rise of the giant robot industry that really brought the problem under control.

Still, to an organization like ours, they have a limited utility. Like any large military vehicle, they can be used to invade a country, but they are not terribly subtle. Yes, you could take a city with them, but your only option to deal with a building full of enemy combatants is to crush it. Technefarious is dedicated to as smooth a transition to our rule over the planet as possible. Ultimately, giant robots just are not subtle enough weapons for us.

The MechaMen have never been big on subtle. In the four decades of their existence, they have served as mercenaries for some of the worst tyrants and tryant-wannabees on the planet. They have a leaderboard for how bystanders have been crushed under the giant metal feet of each pilot’s robot. The two times they have managed to carve out their own government, they have ruled every bit as harshly as their usual type of employers.

I’m a villain, but I don’t like these guys. So when it came time to test our new weapon platform, it made sense to me to give our inglorious competition a bad turn.

It works. The earthquake machine we have been building as the centerpiece of Project Jelly Doughnut performed as expected. The Mechamen’s complex consisted of large hangers carved into a mountain. Past tense. It is now an oversized sinkhole. The containment field for the earthquake machine also worked. None of Earth’s the seismographs registered the attack, and the snow on the far side of Mechmen’s mountain did not even avalanche. Our science department reports that the containment field was not as focused as they expected, spreading the event over a wider area than their calculations predicted. They were disappointed, but I’ve done this sort of work to know that the real world factors always require refining the theory. However, large scale testing of the earthquake machine will have to wait until we start the final part of Project Jelly, Operation Flat Pancake.

We lost no one during the operation, but many of the MechaMen’s henchmen and on-base families died. You may want to take a moment to consider that.

Our facilities will be running with minimum staffing this week, although all hands are expected back Saturday to start the final preparations for the launch of Operation Flat Pancake on Monday.

Enjoy this week everyone, because we are going to have a busy next week and we’ll be even busier afterwards if we succeeded. The world is already ours – we’re just going to be bringing its attention to that fact.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

If you are a major evil organization, you probably should not name your legitimate subsidiaries after your core criminal enterprise.

Of course, this is coming from the man behind Cold Slither, so what else should we expect?

Maybe I am wrong, and we should be selling Technefarious brand toasters (For Your Evil Toast Needs) and Microwaves (Superheat Water Molecules Just Like The Bad Guys!).

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t recognize our branding.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

Does it still count as supervillainy if you accidentally save the world? Admittedly, we have saved the Earth before, because part of wanting to conquer the world means keeping anyone else from wrecking it. I delivered the killing blow to the Solar System Sweeper. Green Needle herbicided the Arboreal Flesh. Technefarious as a whole joined the Unholy Assembly and betrayed our fellow villains (some of whom were real jerks) by saving the superheroes (we needed their firepower).

This time we stumbled into it. Saber-Cat stopped by my office let me know he intended to attack a visiting group of aliens. I would like to say he was asking permission, but he actually wanted to use enough Technefarious resources that I would notice if they were missing. So, leaving me behind to mind the store, Saber lead a group consisting of more lieutenants than henchmen to confront the extra-terrestrials on Establishment territory.

On the interstellar level, Earth has the reputation like that of an island full of dangerous primitives: too crude to have anything worth trading and too tough to conquer outright. Nevertheless, the realities of galactic and extra dimensional geography make Earth too convenient a crossroads for us to be avoided entirely. Most aliens try to minimize their exposure, but it is no secret that the U.N. is keenly interested in making peaceful contact. To that end, the U.N. and the Establishment maintain the Extraterrestrial Monitoring Center, both to gather information on the aliens living among us and to try to forge diplomatic ties with the galactic empires that surround us.

It was one of those forging of ties that Saber-Cat wanted to crash. Saber is immortal and older than humankind, and he said that the Turperilliaks coming for a visit were actually the return of a aliens species that had claimed Earth as part of their empire for a couple of centuries before a nasty civil war on their core planets left the outlying Earth to drift back to its independent status. He also claimed that the aliens lead diplomat was Earth’s former governor during that long lost time. Keeping the Establishment from getting easy access to alien technology fits in with Technefarious’s goals, so I approved his requests for the operation and turned him loose.

It turns out that the lead diplomat really was the old governor in charge and that he led a fleet of cloaked spaceships bent on reconquering the Earth. The diplomacy was just a cover to let him scout the planet before trying to take it by force. The Establishment did not appreciate Saber-Cat’s interference but also did not ignore the lack of disclosure about the cloaked fleet when it was revealed. That kicked off a lesson for the Turperilliaks about why the rest of the universe considers us to be a planet full of dangerous primitives.

It took a week a half to drive them off. Not great, but not as bad as the thrity-seven days it took to get rid of the Graxic Empire in the 1980’s. Still, I prefer the invasions we can wrap up in an afternoon when we can get them.

Unfortunately, this sort of fight is rarely without casualties. Technefarious lost seven henchmen when they delivered a bomb to the mothership of the Turperilliak Home Fleet. The attack was part of the final strike on the Turperilliak ships still stationed in their core worlds. It will hopefully convince them to leave us alone in the future. Unfortunately, the distance involved put them far beyond the reach of our soul catchers. We already held their memorial service, but I wanted to commemorate them here as well. Do not forget the sacrifice of Henchmen 42S-9L (Ivan), 58A-4S (Alexandra), 89T-9C (Astra), 04M-3I (Moira), 63R-2E (Dan), 11U-0G (Chad), and 78G-4D (Stephen).

I am running long here, so check the bulletin boards for notes about this week’s activities.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – we are just sharing it other human governments for a bit.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone. Keep your head down and your ammo handy for now. Instructions for our part in the counterattack will follow soon.  Remember, the world is ours – those aliens just don’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

When I took over as leader of the Technefarious, I’d hope to reduce the frequent moves of our base of operations. Unfortunately, all I have seemed to be able to do is make our transfer to a backup base run more smoothly. Part of that is simply having the facilities already built and outfitted ahead of time. If our current base has to be shut down, we have three others ready to go tomorrow. I prefer to have four, but reconstructing the teleported rubble of our previous site takes a few weeks. Sure it is expensive, but if we can’t raise the dough, why would we think we could conquer the world?

The tracking tags we used to coordinate the transfer of everyone’s possessions will certainly be worth a bundle once teleportation technology goes commercial. GPS units going mainstream was a huge revenue boost for a least five supervillain organizations that I know of (and one superhero, the Golden Explorer, but Green Needle recently gained control of the majority shares of his company, so at least there’s that). Our procedure of inserting tags into our possessions so that our teleport systems can easily find and deposit them in tidy pile for unpacking is a sure moneymaker once the infrastructure exists to make it worth marketing. Sure, it creates an easy way to keep track of you and your stuff, but if you cannot trust your fellow supervillains, whom can you trust?

Speaking of which, if anyone is wondering what happened to Henchman 14T-6L (Maxwell) of the transportation department, I executed him using the improper misappropriation of tagged items from his fellow henchmen during the evacuation. It turns out you cannot trust your fellow supervillains. How about that?

The science department’s examination of the biopsies we recovered from the Soil Six last week is producing results. In addition to moving Project Jelly Doughnut forward, they are also turning out other interesting tidbits. For example, the Soil Six’s resident siblings, Little Quartz and Time Sand, had two different fathers. As far as I know, the fact that they are only half-siblings is not something generally known, not even to them. Our propaganda department is looking for ways to turn that information to our advantage.

To celebrate settling into our new facilities, we’ll be holding an international pizza party in the cafeteria. Come try freshly teleported pizza pies from 108 different pizzerias scattered across the globe.

Now you will have to excuse me, Saber-Cat needs to speak with me.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

Well, last week’s Operation Big Question certainly ended with mixed results. On the one hand, the real goal of the mission succeeded six times over. On the other hand, when it was done, we had to move our entire base of operations.

As I revealed at the final briefing to all teams involved, retrieving the stone eggs of Granquartz the Magnificent was a cover to prevent leaks of our true goal. Among the Parazlying Field Multiplier darts in every henchman’s ammo load were Teleport Retrieval Energy Needle darts capable of penetrating even Sediment’s rocky hide. After gathering a sample of the flesh of the target through its needle, the darts could teleport a short distance to a nearby Extraction team. Gathering biopsies from the Soil Six, in whose base Granquartz lives, was our real goal. I was hoping to get samples from two of the superheroes and would have been happy with just one. In the end, our crack Assualt and Extraction teams retrieved samples from all six of them, from Ground Shock to Compost. Bonus money will be awarded to all henchmen whose darts delivered the goods.

Our after-action analysis suggests that where things went wrong was in actually succeeding in our cover objective. Yes, Extraction Team Gamma with assistance from Assault Team Y managed to hold off Granquartz, Little Quartz, and Time Sand long enough to get away with one of the dragon’s stone eggs. At that point, we believe Granquartz tracked the egg back to our base while the Soil Six tagged along. From there, only ones in Technefarious that do not know what happened are those of us that had to be cloned back to life. Like the dragon she is a statue of, Granquartz tore through our defenses and smashed our buildings. Between being able to track her egg and the ease with which she wrecked our base, our occult and science departments are revising its theories on how the living dragon statue is put together. Once our real world location was revealed, Faultline of the Six got the ball rolling on siccing the Establishment on us, prompting our evacuation of the site after the Soil Six withdrew. We can field a pretty strong crew, but I’m not going to pretend we can stand up to the Establishment when they have time to assemble.

Despite the disruption of our infrastructure, we had only one permanent loss among our staff. Henchman 98B-3O (Carl) was eaten by Granquartz during the egg theft. Everyone else who got killed had their souls retrieved by the soul catchers, so the occult department speculates that it his was somehow trapped by the dragon statue. Research into how to retrieve his soul is underway. 

To give everyone a chance to settle into their new digs, there are no new special events scheduled for this week.
Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man

From the Desk of the Dictator:

Welcome back from your weekend everyone.

If you had not heard, the ceremony to rebuild the soul catchers finished late last week. The reconstruction was successful but not without complications. Henchmen 41T-6Y (Roger) of the occult department did not have his personal wards as tight as they should have been during the work. When a Facet Wraith took the opportunity created by the ceremony to slip into our dimension, the monster drained the life from him faster than I could kill it. If anyone knows anything about his possible heirs, please contact human resources.

With the soul catchers back up, we have been deep in preparation for Operation Big Question, the next step of Project Jelly Doughnut. Our objective is to capture the stone dragon eggs of Granquartz the Magnificent. The living dragon statute Granquartz lives deep within the cliffside base of the Soil Six. An assault on their cliff-embedded dome should divert their attention from an attack through the earth by the drill sleds. Even with the distraction, units on the sleds should expect only a limited amount of time before the Six respond to their prong of the attack. In addition, Granquartz is unlikely to leave the eggs even during a fight, so the armory will distribute sonic weapons help keep her at bay. As always, unit leaders should keep interference from unanticipated superheroes in mind. Assault teams Z, X, and W will be assigned to the frontal assault, supported by Extraction team Alpha. Assaults teams Y and V will provide cover for extraction teams Beta, Gamma, and Delta as they recover the eggs. Extraction team Epsilon will be held in reserve. The motor pool and armory should have all equipment for the operation ready to go by Wednesday night. The medical and occult departments should be ready to deal with causalities once the operation gets underway this Thursday.

The relic department has announced that this weekend will see the kickoff of their latest show. The one will focus on the Renaissance, including several pieces on loan from the Grand Connoisseur’s Collection of Stolen Art. That means they will be taking down the trans-dimensional items displays late in the week, so if you have not checked out the Collapsed Echo Universe or the Cracked Man’s Deed to the Earth, you only have a couple more days before they go back into storage.

Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.

Your Leader,

Dr. Photius Callaway

The Killing Man