From the Desk of the Dictator:Â
Welcome back from your weekend everyone.
I would like to take a moment to address some rumors making the rounds after last week’s visit from the Chlorophyll Cabal. This was not a preliminary to our two organizations consolidating. While I am personally fond of their leader Green Needle, the aims of our organizations are not entirely compatible. We, of course, intend to turn the world into an efficiently run technocracy with ourselves in charge. They intend to return the Earth to an ideal pastoral period that never actually existed. While Green Needle and I believe there will be a niche for the other once one of us conquers the world, what we seek will result in very different planets.
Nevertheless, any organization that turns down an opportunity to learn from its competition deserves to get beaten. At least, that was the reason Commander Bleach gave when he put in for leave to spend time serving with the Cabal. I suggested his request had more to do with all the time he spent with Cabal lieutenant Broad Leaf during the week. He assured me that he simply wanted to follow up on his interest in the strategic deployment of plant materials. I commented that described her (lack of an) outfit and pointed out he had to morals of an alley cat. He countered that we were all supervillains. Touché. Hopefully, he will return to us soon.
The occult department reports that they are not sure if we need to hold a memorial service for Henchman 68Y-9K (Sully). He was being shadowed by one of Plant Master’s Shamblers down in the science lab. Apparently, Shamblers have an unsuspected vulnerability to Lieber radiation. When briefly exposed to the backscatter from a demonstration on a rat of the green rage strain, the Shambler swelled up and exploded. Henchman 68Y-9K caught a clump of Shambler matter right in the face, and it immediately invaded him. By the time they got him to the medical department, his conditioned had stabilized, but he now behaves more like a zombie-like Shambler than a real person. The medical department has not been able to reverse his condition, and the occult department will not sign off on making a clone body because they cannot find his soul. It did not show up in their soul catchers after the attack, nor does it seem to be attached to his old body. Both departments will continue to work on the problem, but I have already authorized extending survivor benefits to his family to help with their loss. Sully’s squadmates will be having a few rounds in his honor at the Little Evil if anyone wants to join them tonight.
On a brighter note, we upheld our standing as the Inter-Evil Ping-Pong Champions by beating the Cabal five sets to two. Congratulations and cash prizes go to our entire team.
In other matters, if anyone has any information regarding the frozen henchmen corpses missing from the front lobby, please report it to your squad leader. I told security that no one will get in trouble for it, no matter how cranky they are that their cameras were tampered with. Were the bodies stolen to get a proper burial or for some darker purpose? Considering our crowd, I assume the latter, but I am genuinely curious.
Finally, the propaganda department is showing John Wayne movies in Auditorium A every evening this week, including his superhero epic, Iron Boots. Drop by and remember why we all became supervillains in the first place.
Have a good week everyone. And remember, the world is already ours – it just doesn’t realize it yet.
Your Leader,
Dr. Photius Callaway
The Killing Man